Even though I'm still not ready to talk to you again, I miss you quite a lot and think about you often. I was in a Waymo today and the seatbelt smelled like your vanilla gourmand cologne. It bothered me quite a lot because it reminded me of when you stepped close next to me, scuffed my hair a bit, and kissed me right on the forehead. Logically though I know you couldn't have taken that Waymo that day because you had a car, a cute tiny one. Thanks for being such an inspiration to me. I wanted to do a lot of things because I thought you were so cool. You told me that you felt like I did so much but really I picked up so many things quickly because I felt that I wanted to be so close to you, a person with so many intricacies. I thought that you were such a tundra of a person--overwhelming, cold, complex, but new and enveloping. Finding out that you thought of me highly at the time was still so shocking to me. It really gave me a boost to my own self-esteem and I find that I compare myself to others a lot less because you gave me so much of confidence, even though I didn't have the confidence to fully be myself around you until it was too late. I almost had a lot of regrets about how everything went but it felt so nice that you also give me the opportunity to talk to you that last time and spill my heart out on everything I felt about you. You were also the main reason why I fell in love with San Francisco, and I didn't want to really tell you because it's embarrassing, but you were the catalyst that made me finally move in the first place. You showed me so many beautiful places, and I still replay the scenes of us standing on that bridge to the lighthouse, or sitting on the swing in Bernal Heights and me telling you something in French because I was too shy to tell you right in English all in my head and avoiding your dark eyes that I thought were so intimidatingly beautiful. I want to tell you that I'll be doing an art exhibition soon with a few other people. Thanks for inspiring me to be my creative self again, and for helping me fall in love with my own ability to create. I have low expectations but I kind of hope you find out about the event somehow and come and see me and see what I've created and I hope you feel proud of me too. It took a lot of time to take care of myself again after we stopped talking but I hope you think about me sometimes. miss you, bel