#personal-development #serious-thoughts ![[Pasted image 20250201122438.png|300]] Hey so this was me in high school. Wow I look crazy different. I recently met with people that I haven't seen since high school. I was a bit nervous about this initially since I haven't talked to them in a long time, but overall the experience wasn't too bad. But there was someone in particular where the vibe was *so off*. And I absolutely *hated it*. It's not like I didn't have any expectations walking into this. Most of these people were people that I personally felt didn't particularly serve me anymore in my own relationships with them, because I only felt that I was close to them through proximity in high school. I didn't have anything in common with them but the classes we shared, for the most part. But the person I was extremely bothered by was actually really close with me when we were younger, so it also made me think about how much we've diverged. It got to the point where anything that came out of her mouth caused a visceral reaction in me. Like it was that bad. I noticed that we would both purposely try to distance ourselves and avoid eye contact. The thing about growing apart is that it sneaks up on you. One day you're sharing secrets and inside jokes, and the next you're strangers who happen to know intimate details about each other's past lives. It's almost worse than meeting a complete stranger - there's this weird tension of forced familiarity mixed with complete disconnection. What struck me most wasn't just how different we'd become, but how much our core values had diverged. The way she talked about her relationships and life goals felt completely alien to me. There were some comments and goals that she mentioned having that honestly made me just scoff. I know it's not good to demean other peoples' dreams but I couldn't help but think how far apart it was from my own. But maybe that's the point. We're not supposed to stay the same people we were in high school. Those relationships served their purpose at the time - they helped us figure out who we were and who we wanted to become. Sometimes growing apart isn't a failure of friendship; it's a sign that we're both becoming who we're meant to be. There were other people who surprised me as well -- it felt like some genuinely wanted to know how I was doing and what I was preoccupied with at the time. But because of the vibes I felt with my ex-friend I couldn't help but feel like it was so awkward or pointed or ways to not make me feel so left out. And I kind of particularly regret that, because it made me curious to know how they were doing and wish I kept in contact with them better. ![[Pasted image 20250201122203.png|]] Is there value in maintaining connections with people you've outgrown? I strongly think that you are the average of the people closest to you. And if they don't particularly serve your growth it's better to prioritize your own growth than the relationships you have with people around you. But it doesn't mean you have to sever that connection either, because they could always surprise you later. I think as I grew older as well I learned to be more choosey with the people that I kept in my circle. I still struggle with this sometimes, because I feel guilty when I don't try to be friends with people who just seem perfectly fine and nice. But it's more important for me to be able to recognize and assert my boundaries and put more energy into people I actually care about.