#love #serious-thoughts A part two of [[how i get attached]]. When my friends ask me about the type of person I want to be with, I already have an answer. "The type of person who puts me in their soft spot." I don't really have a particular type. Thinking about most of the men I've dated in the past, I usually tend to overadjust on positive and negative traits once a relationship has ended because I change what I prioritize and as a result, if I put all these guys in a room, many of them will likely not have too many things in common with each other. I think this answer hinges more on how I like to feel in a relationship rather than what kind of person I see myself getting in a relationship with. In 2024, I wrote up the following criteria for a person I want to be in a relationship with: | blah | blah | blah | | ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- | ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- | -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- | | - charismatic<br>- likes to banter<br>- chivalrous<br>- financially stable & good career<br>- spontaneous<br>- does things for me unprompted<br>- thinks i’m cute<br>- wants to talk to me all the time<br>- funny/same sense of humor<br>- can resolve an argument constructively | - in tune with his mental health<br>- matches my energy<br>- is able to give and receive compliments<br>- is honest and plays no games<br>- able to be open and vulnerable <br>- kind-hearted<br>- protective<br>- doesn’t get too upset<br>- willing to put me first<br>- doesn’t take themselves too seriously | - self-aware<br>- adventurous<br>- will teach me new things and open to trying new things<br>- plans dates<br>- good problem solver<br>- considerate of my time & feelings<br>- not too frugal, indulgent to a degree ++<br>- close relationship with mom/sister/female friends ++<br> | It's difficult. In my mind, I objectively see this as the type of person I envision being in a relationship with. But I'm literally vibes-based falling in love with people and it's driving me insane because: 1. I'm conflicted about the lack of criteria they sometimes fulfill 2. Sometimes, people do check the boxes! But then I look at them in utter disdain. wtf? This is something I'm still working on right now. What does my heart want? How do I feel loved? Actually the answer that I am realizing now at the time of writing these two pieces is that it wants to achieve it. The soft-spot answer is a variation of that. I want them to be gruff or different to everyone else but me, and they're different to me because I earned it in some way.